Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
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at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
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It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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