This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
