Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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