So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
