be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
