i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
