Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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