i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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