He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
