I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
