I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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