There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
