i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
