mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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