so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
