It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
