I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
