after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize