I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
We need a shit load of segways right now
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
