I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
