Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize