Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
