I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
