Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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