i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
