No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
