Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
