Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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