I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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