hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
