It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize