buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
