Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
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