Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize