The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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