yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
