i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Come share oat with me in your robe
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
