just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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