it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
