So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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