so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
