could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
