the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
