you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
