My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
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