The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize