I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
