I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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