handjob tips. give me some.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
