they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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