Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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