His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
