apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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