we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
