Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize