I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
