What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
