Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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