I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
