Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
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