I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
you win again, gameday.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
