When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
sex in a hospital.. check
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
