Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
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How's work?
Spinning.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
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If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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