Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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